Ok, I think we are saying the same thing here but slightly differently:
I think that in order to help/love/forgive another I should be compassionate within me,
Realize my self loathing and be accountable, but also forgive myself and treat myself with compassion like I will do with others.
Whilst you argue that: inner work begins by helping others and the inner will follow, which I totally agree with! As the other in reality reflects ‘me’. Like holding a mirror on to myself.
However, I also think that sometimes we beat ourselves too hard. And here, I realize we may be drawing form different experiences...
I do not think that Love is not Just יחס
I think love amogst many things, Is the abilty to be open with yourself and others
I too think that giving is the best way to receive, but also I think that one should learn how to receive from oneself!
Otherwise helping and loving others can be a form of escaping, escaping the inner conflict.